The Tax Audit

When Pizza Became a Threat to Our Existence

The Founder’s worst nightmare. Freshly graduated tax auditors descend on the company like a pack of hungry wolves, eager to find something—anything—that doesn’t add up. What starts as a routine audit quickly spirals into an absurd battle of wits as they question expenses like pizza for late-night coding sessions. In the end, it’s not the numbers that matter, but how well you can distract them with endless reports and documentation that no one ever reads

It began as just another day at the office. We were deep into sprint planning, battling the usual suspects: tight deadlines, buggy code, and, of course, the ever-present Controllers breathing down our necks. And then it happened—a simple email that would change everything. “Routine tax audit,” it said. No big deal, we thought. How bad could it be?

Well, we were about to find out.

Act 1: The Auditors Arrive

Enter the auditors—fresh out of school, armed with iPads, checklists, and the kind of zeal that only comes from someone determined to prove themselves. They swept into our office with the calm confidence of seasoned investigators. Their mission? To comb through every financial document, every invoice, every expense report we had ever filed.

They were young, ambitious, and alarmingly eager to find something—anything—that didn’t add up. And while the Founder greeted them with his usual optimism (after all, we had nothing to hide, right?), the rest of us had an uneasy feeling in the pit of our stomachs.

And that’s when the questioning began.

Act 2: The Pizza Problem

“How much did you spend on pizza in just one day at midnight?” one auditor asked, squinting at an expense report from last year. Her tone was sharp, like she had just uncovered a major scandal. The Developer in charge of that sprint shuffled uncomfortably in his chair. “It was a late-night coding session,” he mumbled, but it was too late. The damage was done.

The auditors’ eyes narrowed. Suddenly, they were going through every food receipt, scrutinizing every lunch, every coffee, every midnight pizza we’d ever ordered. “Is this… a necessary business expense?” they asked, as if feeding the team during a 36-hour hackathon was some sort of crime.

Employee gifts. It turns out, giving our team “thank you” bonuses in the form of tech gadgets was apparently a bit too generous in the eyes of the tax office. The auditors practically pounced on the receipts for our team’s new PlayStation. “Are these gifts taxable?” they asked with the enthusiasm of someone who’d just solved a major mystery.

And then came the kicker: Virtual Company Shares

We weren’t some listed company (AG) with a fancy stock exchange listing. No, we were a limited liability company (GmbH)—like most companies in Germany—running things our own way. But just because we weren’t a fancy listed company didn’t mean we couldn’t share the success with our employees. So, we came up with a plan: virtual company shares and dividends tied to our performance. A modern approach to making sure everyone benefits from our wins.

Simple, right? Not so much.

When the young tax auditors got wind of it, they looked at us like we’d just reinvented the wheel. To them, it was unfamiliar and, frankly, suspicious. They sensed a fat back tax payment. What they saw as “dubious,” we saw as an innovative way to give back to the team.

Act 3: The Audit Frustration

As the audit dragged on, tensions escalated. The Founder tried his best to keep things calm, but our Business Admin —the ever-watchful keeper of order—wasn’t impressed. “You see?” she muttered under her breath. “This is why we need stricter financial controls. Agile spending leads to this.”

Meanwhile, the Developers were starting to panic. “What happens if they don’t approve our expenses and dividends? Do we have to pay it back?!” The Managing Director (MD), ever the voice of reason, tried to reassure everyone: “Let’s just stay calm. It’s just a routine audit.” But the room was filled with the sound of frantic typing as people desperately searched for old receipts.

Act 4: The Final Blow

Just when we thought things couldn’t get worse, the auditors found the holy grail: a mislabeled expense. It was an honest mistake, but to the auditors, it was the smoking gun they had been waiting for. They circled the figure in red ink, the way a detective might circle a vital clue. “This,” they said dramatically, “must also be investigated further in addition to all the anomalies that we have already uncovered.”

The Founder sighed. “Are you serious?” he asked, but they were dead serious. The room fell into a tense silence as they scribbled notes, muttering something about possible discrepancies and further review.

For a moment, it felt like the entire company was hanging in the balance. Would we survive the audit? Would pizza and virtual company shares be the thing that brought us down?

Act 5: The Happy Ending

Together with our tax lawyer, we tried explain the concept of our virtual company shares to a room full of tax inspectors and their superiors. Let's just say it was a long day, and we were able to contribute a lit bit to the training of tax officials.

But then, as suddenly as it began, the storm passed. After what felt like an eternity, the auditors gave their final verdict. Yes, there had been a few minor issues, but nothing we couldn’t resolve. The company would survive, pizza expenses and all.

The Founder exhaled, a slow smile creeping across his face. “See? Told you it was just a routine audit.” The MD nodded sagely, while our Business Admin grumbled something about tightening policies for next year. The Developers, now free from the looming threat of financial doom, went back to their code, quietly celebrating the fact that they wouldn’t have to pay for their midnight pizzas after all.

In the end, the audit wasn’t just a test of our finances—it was a test of our sanity. But we made it through, stronger, wiser, and with a renewed appreciation for the value of a well-documented pizza order. Because if there’s one thing we learned, it’s this: no amount of tax scrutiny can keep us from feeding our devs when they’re in the zone.

Conclusion

Always keep a few small "treasures" handy for the young tax auditors—like a couple of harmless errors in travel expense reports. For the more serious topics, like employee profit-sharing, make sure you’ve got your slickest moves ready, ideally with the help of a tax attorney.

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